Thursday, March 16, 2017


On March 6, our first born child, our son, Aaron died from Alpha 1.  He suffered for over five years.  In the end, his liver, lungs and kidneys all gave out.  He was 45 years old.

I was on Pinterest tonight because I cannot sleep.  I saw his board.  He had hopes, dreams, plans, a bucket list, a wish list.  He was a good person who believed in God, salvation through His Son, Jesus Christ.

But now, he is gone.  We will never hug him again in this life.  We will not laugh with him any more.  I will not argue with him about politics, stress, life.

He and I had a mother son moment while he was in the hospital.  I will remember it the rest of my life.  

The struggle now is to put one foot in front of the other, to take the next breath, to try to make it through the day without crying, which I have yet to accomplish.

To believe, hope, understand, how none of this seems real, how we go on living.  

Alpha 1 is a horrible way to die.

He was a good man but he suffered terribly.  Some of it I question his medical care.  Some of it was the end of that horrible disease which is genetic, meaning his father and I both carry the gene.  

I look at others around me and wonder why they are still breathing and my son is not.  

Nothing makes sense, nothing feels right about any of it.


1 comment:

Donald Fishgrab said...

From a human standpoint, none of it makes sense as you said. Thankfully, we know that God has a plan and a purpose, but sometimes it is really hard to remember at these times. I'll be praying for you.