Sunday, August 6, 2017

5 MONTHS

Its been five months today.  

It seems harder because it has been longer since we saw you last!!

My goal.....just to make it through  one more day.

I told my family....I know nothing other than if I make it through the night, I will get up, eat something and take a shower.  After that, who knows?

Life is too hard to even plan.

Just take it as it comes.



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Thursday, July 27, 2017

SON OF MY SON

Riley is here for a few days.  He is the son of my son.  Yes, he is like his Daddy in lots of ways but different, too.  
(photo from 3 years ago)

It helps me just looking at him.

Thankful.

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Tuesday, July 18, 2017

BREATHING

In.

Out.

Make it thru another day.

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Monday, July 17, 2017

ABANDONED

Today I feel abandoned.......

I will not finish the sentence because I just cannot.

Last night, I cried again, but was determined to stop posting about this horrible pain I feel.

We had the house carpets cleaned.  I was sitting waiting for them to dry, watching TV.

Like a huge wave, again, I became overwhelmingly sad.  I fought tears.  Tonight has been stress and sadness. 

I'm very tired, very, very, tired.

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Friday, July 14, 2017

DID IT AGAIN

Well, thought I was doing better.  Nope, cried and boohooed again today.  It was over something pretty small but it hit like a tidal wave!

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Thursday, July 13, 2017

LITTLE THINGS

It's the little things that remind me of you.  

A commercial on the radio, a video on Facebook, where you liked to eat, things we did, didn't do.

You are gone but not forgotten.

Till we see each other again, Son.

I love you.





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Wednesday, July 12, 2017

GRIEF

Are you grieving?  

It's real, you know.

There are no two people that grieve the same.

There are no rules, no steps, no goals, no plan.

Grief is separation.  It doesn't mean only when someone dies.  

Life is hard.  

Life can stink.

Those that profess to be so spiritual that they do not grieve are lying.  Accepting the will of God is hard.  

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Tuesday, July 11, 2017

ANOTHER MONTH

Time is moving.  It's moving forward although I seem stuck.

Those that know, say it will get 'better'.  How can something so bad get better?

On the other hand, to me, it seems to be getting harder.  Really?  Yes, really.

Why?  

Because it has been longer since we last saw you.  Four months and 5 days now.  

This is a happy picture of you and your family.  I am so glad we took family photos that day.



Son, you are missed.  I've decided that I will miss you till the day I die.  

Your sister and brother are a great comfort to me.  You know that though.  

So, what now?  

Trying to balance a negative action/reaction with a positive act.

It's not easy.

I just want to sit and do nothing most days.  

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Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Saturday, June 24, 2017

BACK TO SQUARE ONE

Last Thursday I went to my first counseling session.  The lady was calm and we seemed to have a few things in common.  I appreciated her help.  I felt better.  I had words and tools to use.

Then today happened.

I feel as though I am back at square one, the day you died. 

Tears fell for it seemed like hours. 

It's all I can say.

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