Saturday, September 16, 2017

OH IT'S CRYIN TIME AGAIN

The last two days have been drowned in my tears.  

Late this afternoon, I was alone and literally cried out to God....WHY?!  

If this is right, why does it feel so wrong?

People try to console me by telling me about people they have lost.  

You expect to loose grandparents, parents, possibly siblings but you never, ever expect to loose your child.

So, there is no comparison.  I have started saying that back to people.  How much harder it is.  It takes some back a bit.  I can tell by their reaction.

Why should I 'take it' when they have no clue what they are talking about with this?

ONLY another mother who has lost a child comes close to understanding.  

I have a friend that lost her mother a few years ago.  She has been compassionate and patient.  I appreciate it/her!

So, I just try to make it to night time and finishing just this day.  

It's called coping.


He was a big Titians Fan.  This is the family at a special day a few years ago.  Yes, that is the owner with the grands.  

Remembering the good times helps with the sting of your loss.

**********

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

SIX MONTHS

We are just a few hours away from the time you died, six months ago.  

It seems like an eternity.

People say it will get better but how can that be when it's just longer since the last time we saw you.

I still do not understand why.

I doubt I ever will understand why.



**********

Friday, September 1, 2017

HARVEY

Houston, my self proclaimed home town!  What a tragedy!

The water is trillion of gallons covering this wonderful place as well as miles of other places all around!

The water is only the first problem.

Many have died and will die.  The morgues are full with temporary ones being moved in to help with the overflow.

We really have no idea what a day will bring!

Praying for friends and family experiencing this nightmare.

**********

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

WHY?

Here I sit, determined to start blogging about all the things the title to this blog, say.

I am frozen.

Why?

Sure life goes on but how?

Do I push thru?

Do I tread water?

Do I stay in bed all day, pull the covers over my head and hide from the world?

Do I recover or stay numb forever?

No clue.

No answers.

No light at the end of this long dark tunnel of grief.

Sure some day I will blog again.

Maybe not.

**********


Sunday, August 27, 2017

IOWA

Well, I am back from visiting Iowa.  The Daughter has moved there with her family.

Why?

A new job.  

I feel like I've lost her, too.  

We will see her again but not like it has been these last years.  

I am happy for her career advancement.  It's how far away it is from our door to their door.  

Sigh.

Life needs to get better!


This picture of us with the grands from a few years ago.

**********


Sunday, August 6, 2017

5 MONTHS

Its been five months today.  

It seems harder because it has been longer since we saw you last!!

My goal.....just to make it through  one more day.

I told my family....I know nothing other than if I make it through the night, I will get up, eat something and take a shower.  After that, who knows?

Life is too hard to even plan.

Just take it as it comes.



**********

Thursday, July 27, 2017

SON OF MY SON

Riley is here for a few days.  He is the son of my son.  Yes, he is like his Daddy in lots of ways but different, too.  
(photo from 3 years ago)

It helps me just looking at him.

Thankful.

**********

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

BREATHING

In.

Out.

Make it thru another day.

**********

Monday, July 17, 2017

ABANDONED

Today I feel abandoned.......

I will not finish the sentence because I just cannot.

Last night, I cried again, but was determined to stop posting about this horrible pain I feel.

We had the house carpets cleaned.  I was sitting waiting for them to dry, watching TV.

Like a huge wave, again, I became overwhelmingly sad.  I fought tears.  Tonight has been stress and sadness. 

I'm very tired, very, very, tired.

**********

Friday, July 14, 2017

DID IT AGAIN

Well, thought I was doing better.  Nope, cried and boohooed again today.  It was over something pretty small but it hit like a tidal wave!

**********