SON OF MY SON

Riley is here for a few days.  He is the son of my son.  Yes, he is like his Daddy in lots of ways but different, too.  

(photo from 3 years ago)

It helps me just looking at him.

Thankful.

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BREATHING

In.

Out.

Make it thru another day.

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ABANDONED

Today I feel abandoned.......

I will not finish the sentence because I just cannot.

Last night, I cried again, but was determined to stop posting about this horrible pain I feel.

We had the house carpets cleaned.  I was sitting waiting for them to dry, watching TV.

Like a huge wave, again, I became overwhelmingly sad.  I fought tears.  Tonight has been stress and sadness. 

I'm very tired, very, very, tired.

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DID IT AGAIN

Well, thought I was doing better.  Nope, cried and boohooed again today.  It was over something pretty small but it hit like a tidal wave!

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LITTLE THINGS

It's the little things that remind me of you.  

A commercial on the radio, a video on Facebook, where you liked to eat, things we did, didn't do.

You are gone but not forgotten.

Till we see each other again, Son.

I love you.

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GRIEF

Are you grieving?  

It's real, you know.

There are no two people that grieve the same.

There are no rules, no steps, no goals, no plan.

Grief is separation.  It doesn't mean only when someone dies.  

Life is hard.  

Life can stink.

Those that profess to be so spiritual that they do not grieve are lying.  Accepting the will of God is hard.  

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ANOTHER MONTH

Time is moving.  It's moving forward although I seem stuck.

Those that know, say it will get 'better'.  How can something so bad get better?

On the other hand, to me, it seems to be getting harder.  Really?  Yes, really.

Why?  

Because it has been longer since we last saw you.  Four months and 5 days now.  

This is a happy picture of you and your family.  I am so glad we took family photos that day.

Son, you are missed.  I've decided that I will miss you till the day I die.  

Your sister and brother are a great comfort to me.  You know that though.  

So, what now?  

Trying to balance a negative action/reaction with a positive act.

It's not easy.

I just want to sit and do nothing most days.  

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